Wow - so, I finally have internet access again! Now that I'm nearly done moving I'm beginning to enjoy utilities again... internet, electricity, etc. Those things are nice. So, this means I can write in here again. Thanks to Jason and James for being so easily tricked into moving my ridiculous amount of crap to my new pad.

I actually wrote a rather lengthy entry the other night, but none of that matters now, all because last night I was makin' bacon. Allow me to explain.

Today was Scott's last day at work. As such we threw an ethnic potluck lunch, and our highly-diversified web team was supposed to bring a dish from their heritage. Last year when we did this I made Hungarian Goulash, and it wasn't bad. This year I didn't want to do a repeat, so I looked up some recipes online until I found this: Hungarian Gypsy Bacon. Also being part gypsy, and sounding similar to the bandit-style Greek chicken I had the night during a romantic candlelight dinner with Jason, and collecting unanimous approval from all my meat-eating co-workers, I set out on a mission to make it.

I'll try to keep this short - I first bought an entire slab of bacon from the local Bavarian meat market. it was 7.5 pounds! Unbelievable. And it was so big! It spanned the entire width of the fridge! I also had a nice conversation with the stout German woman behind the counter.

Fleischfrau: This is the best bacon you can buy!
Me: Oh, great!
Fleischfrau: Are you cooking yourself?
Me: Yes I am, actually.
Fleischfrau: Oh, very good. I like a man who can cook!

I'd never bought a single piece of meat this big before. Big day. I later took it home, and under Alice's guiding eye, started to prep it. I was supposed ot barbeque it, so we essentially completely laid up my teeny tiny propane grill with the stuff. Now, at my new apartment, there is no place for me to bbq. So, instead I used the driveway of my neighbor's house, which is currently for rent and deserted!. I started the bbq, left it on medium, and went inside to eat my own dinner.


Diagram A: Cutting bacon.

A couple minutes later I thought maybe I should check on it. I opened the door, looked to the neighbor's, and saw my barbeque completely engulfed in flames 5' tall! ¡Dios mio! I quickly ran, dodging fire, to turn off the gas. I called to Alice for her to bring me some water to help put it out, and she brought me a small cup of water (all she could find).

At this point my panicked brain failed to make the connection that the barbeque caught on fire due to bacon grease. Grease, as in grease fire. Never put water on a grease fire.

As I tossed the cup of water onto the grease fire, the only word to describe what happened next is fireball. That puppy lit up! Although it did have the pleasing side effect of eradicating all of the mosquitoes in the vicinity, I was beginning to get very concerned about my neighbor's house, as well as the other neighbors on the receiving end of the black smoke pouring out of what used to be a fine barbeque. Luckily, it began to die down after that, and the fire eventually subsided on its own.

The funny this is that the bacon actually looked delicious and perfect after that. However, the insides were indeed raw. It took another barbeque fire (yes, we tried again, but were ready for it) and a good hour-plus of baking to get those things cooked all the way through.

Despite the immense amounts of charcoal, they still tasted damn good. Add some paprika, some caramelized onions, put it on some rye bread - yum! It was a big hit at work. I'd like to try it again, and think I have to since I still have 3.5 lbs of bacon in my fridge, but I think I'll try something a little more reliable than the smoldering contraption formerly known as my barbeque.

In other news, everybody needs to see Circus Contraption's new show. It is indeed a repeat of last year, but is so much more amazing! Vastly improved stage, costumes, storylines, ambiance, and two new segments (although technically they're from old shows, but were new to me and fantastic). Gotta see them, I'm not kiddin'. They're going to New York soon - EBWI, if only you could be EBNY for a day and see them, sigh.